Thursday, 15 February 2018

Self Acceptance - Personality and That Red Lipstick

It's not very often I post much about what I am actually studying in any great depth; however, the past year has made it all so relevant that I thought I would share for anyone who may have had similar struggles and goals.

I've always been introverted and contradictory. I struggled with confidence a lot growing up, and didn't feel quite comfortable in my own skin. 

Over the past few years, I've done a lot more delving into how I work and why I work that way. As children, we would often ask "why" and then begin to reform the structure of our inner world around the answer. Self-discovery is a lot like that.

My studies have allowed me to delve into personality traits. I've learned things about myself that have helped me to understand what makes me tick and makes my heart happy. It's been wonderful. 




Of the many things I have learned to embrace, my memory with names is one. I have a terrible memory with the names of others upon a first encounter. I used to be embarrassed by it and try to hide it, but recently I asked myself "why" and realised it was because names, until I know something about the person they belong to, are often of little importance to me. I will remember someone's name if we've had a conversation of depth. Any conversation that goes beyond face value and digs a little deeper will trigger me to remember that person's name. 

I ran into someone recently, whom I had met before, who was insulted that I hadn't remembered their name. I replied that they should spend a few minutes with me and tell me about themselves, and then I would never forget it again. They were taken aback but did it, and I haven't forgotten their name since. It's in my inner wiring to crave in-depth conversation, and that's perfectly alright. So now, when I forget a name, I use it as an opportunity to get to know that person for a minute - I can't change who I am at that level, I can only control the circumstances surrounding it. 




I am also empathetic in the extreme. You can hurl the deepest insults and drag me through the mud, but I see you become sad about anything, even moments later, I feel that sadness right along with you. It's something I fought often when I was a little girl, right up through my earliest adult years. How "soft" it must seem to others, how juvenile... Now, I embrace it wholly as one of the most important aspects of my character. I use it professionally to gauge a room and connect with those I need to connect with, and personally with relationships. It's also part of what makes me, me, even if it's not a trait everyone can relate to. It's also damn useful and something I hope never changes.



Like anyone else, I've had my fair share of being told to change, that I was a little off, that I could be different and better. There is nothing more freeing than taking the time to discover who you are and being alright with it in that moment. We should always strive to grow and evolve our weaknesses and use them as strengths, but we should never be uncomfortable with who we are as a person. Personality is both inherent, and the result of how we've been shaped by every single moment in our lives. It's absolutely beautiful, incredibly unique, and never something to take for granted.



On the opposite side of the coin, I often see women talk about how their love of retro culture will be accepted in a modern world. Whether red lipstick is too garish or a full skirt will garner too much attention. Ladies, let me tell you, stop that!

Years ago, I had a manager notice I had worn false eyelashes to work for the first time. I remember her prodding me about it and rolling her eyes at me as she plopped back in her seat, mumbling about how silly it was. It took me years to get over the self-consciousness fostered in that moment, and realise how uncomfortable she must have been in her own skin. Now, I wear them without hesitation because I like how they look, without regard for whether or not it makes others happy. Maybe one day I'll stop, maybe I won't - but the artistry of it all is something I'd love to embrace for years to come. 

Whether it's your own fashion sense or your personality that you've been struggling with, I'd encourage you to take time out to reflect on why you love what you love and are who you are - and then embrace the hell out of it, because life is awfully short to force yourself into a mould that was never made for you to begin with. 



Thank you so much for reading!
xo Miss Betty Doll

Photography by the ever lovely Brooke Orchard Photography. We took these on a ridiculously windy day and look how she captured perfect moments anyway! She's amazing. 
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3 comments

  1. So many of your words could be my own...not remembering names , being so empathetic that like you no matter how much someone has used me, abused me etc etc I am still there if they are hurting. I am still working on being ok with dressing how I want to, not because anyone has judged me, it's just my own demons. As I age, especially this past two years, I feel more self esteem dings because I am not able to do my make up the way others do in the culture. I can't do lashes , I struggle with liner, my red lips never come out crisp and beautiful looking....my skin is soft and crepe like and moves about, my hands shake and my eyesight is bad ....my hair never measures up ....in my own mind all I see is old and not retro/vintage. When I went natural and cut my hair ALL my promotional offers stopped...100% completely...that hurt. I have so often wanted to just walk away and I have even stopped wearing vintage /retro during the day because I just don't feel like me...the me I was...it's been a tough year...I hope that one day I regain the confidence you are now gaining...so proud of you!

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    1. Oh doll, you embody the beauty of retro in all that you do! What a shame the sponsors don't see it.

      Your class and grace are deeply ingrained in who you are, and I'm proud to be apart of the same community ♡

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